my life is not a story.
but sometimes i wish it was.
stories are meant to be read, you want to read them. after all, it is their purpose.
no one would want to read my life. it's too normal.
& the thirst, the ambition to be recognized becomes stronger.
wanting to DO something. wanting to live on after death. that is my ultimate goal.
but by the looks of it, it looks nigh impossible.
we all can have dreams, ideals. how many of these are actually fufilled is another thing altogether.
everyone wants to be known, and some just get lucky.
the other few million or so live completely normal lives, good lives but also boring lives.
the chances are literally one in a million.
but hey, it's worth a shot.

here is a fact about me:
i don't often think much about what i do.
here is another fact about me:
when i do, it haunts my conscience like forever and ever.
joy.
sarah may think she came across as some mumbly weirdo shy person.
but at least you can relate to/sympathise with/ actually like someone who is like that.
besides, she isn't alwaaaays like that.
i wish i didn't come across as some ego bigheaded proud cretin.
or words to that effect.and yes, i called myself a cretin.
i think i heard some people gasp when i said that if you only describe me as cute you dont know me all that well. yippee.not.
and the worst thing is, none of that was lies.
i was completely honest about everything. i used to ask myself, why does everyone think i'm so thick skinned? the answer is, they're more sensitive than me. so smart, eh? not.
and i guess people take it harder than i would, more seriously plus they think about it more. not that i have a problem with that, it's just that i can barely remember to be softer and more sensitive about it.
see, i actually said that to show others that no i am not fake.
you can lie, you can tell the truth.
both ways the same people hate your guts.
it's quite pointless that way.
and another thing, it always ALWAYS comes out the wrong way and does not occur to me.
until later.
at math class when mr koh asked us to introduce ourselves i said i was better at words than numbers.
no i don't think that i'm brilliant with words.
in fact that didnt occur to me.
i meant i was really really bad with numbers.
then later i was like doi fayth, that was really stupid. i think i came across like some self absorbed egomaniac. in my own class. whee that's on my to do list! not.
i could ask me to jump off a cliff now.
i am going to check if purple duct tape exists.
if it does i shall stick a piece on my mouth and shut up because that's what everyone seems happy with. peace, harmony and all that.
p.s if you are wondering, why purple? it's because i figure that if i have to forgo talking via duct tape it may as well be with a colour i like.