i'm thirteen.
yay.
i guess i can't stay a kid forever.
GOSH that's depressing.
i realise just how much i've grown.
stuff in the playground that used to look huge now are like one and a half times my height.
aah it's sad.
i can't dress up funny without being laughed at.
i can't eat up my favourite food without people thinking i'm greedy.
i can't do anything without being judged.
no one in kindergarten commented on clothes, accessories or anything, for that matter.
it was a time where you could truly like a person for who they were.
now we always have to worry about committing some huge social gaffe.
it's so hard not to be self conscious when you can already taste the embarrassment coming if you mess up.
it's easy to say that you don't care what others think but to do that now is nearly impossible.
unless you are a certain JoAn.
JoAn i admire your SO WHAT attitude.
darn useful, that is.
anyway, as time goes on, i can only grow older.
it's time to grow up now.
it's time to grow up.

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'

yknow this has never made more sense.
crying will not help. neither will complaining.
i will not give up and die. i will stop having doubts about myself.
like it'll help. okay, i have to go kick myself now.*looks ashamed*
i don't do stuff that i figure won't have any benefit.
complaining, or in this case, obssessing, won't do anything for me.ANYTHING.
therefore, i shall not do it.
i will stop being insecure as well.
i did no wrong, so there is no reason to be.
xD.
they always did say happiness was the best revenge.
i aint gonna bother giving you the cold shoulder.
i am going to go on with my life.
happily.

Because i'm free.
Nothing's worrying me.

alright,
hopefully this is the last post that i will have to write about this whole idiotic delusion.
the solution is easy.
____, you can ignore me and stay out of my life.
and i'll stay out of yours.
understooded?
good.
i will not attempt to be mean or bitchy.
it is a waste of my time and energy.
do NOT i repeat DO NOT try to be mean to me.
i am going to make the effort to reign in my temper and hold back all the stuff i want to say.
so you damn well make the effort too.
this means no "i hear mice squeaking" and so on so forth.

i do not really care about "reconcilation".
i think it is obvious that justification of my actions and trying to reason things out with you is pretty useless.
so here's the baseline:
STAY OUTTA MY LIFE AND I'LL STAY OUTTA YOURS
ok?
ok.
p.s sarah has kindly explained at least part of my actions. go read her blog. she has objectively summarised why i had to do this.

heya.
must thank YOU for one thing.
this episode brought out friends that helped me.
friends that i know i can trust.
i'm in a muuuuch better mood now.
sarah frances, thank you for defending me in your own intelligent way. thank you for being there for me for practically 24/7. thank you for standing up for me.

joan, thank you for your everlasting "so what?" attitude that maks you impervious to insults. thank you for being there to offer your type of rather eccentric advice. thank you for teaching me well, not to care.

madhamster, thank you for defending me oh so spiritedly and almost enthusiastically. thank you for literally being there 24/7. thank you for comforting me and also getting chocolate when i needed it.

viraj, thank you for your witty remarks. thank you for your "it's okay-s" and just for your presence. thank you for making me feel so much better.

you're bloody insignificant.
you know that?
MY huge ego? my ego looks like a jellybean compared to yours
oh my best friend's all great and fantastic and all?
of course she is.
i wanted her to tell you to get lost loooong ago.
but she was too nice to do it.
dont you dare bloody tell her that i'm a bad influence.
SHE WONT LISTEN!
nahnahnahnahnah

and do you think i CARE that you hate me?
do you know how hilarious it is when you try to be mean?
well here it is:
IT'S DAMN FUNNY!
XD.
if you think that you can get me down with your attempted cold shoulder,
you're wrong.
it's so funny i crack up.
i dont consider you a RIVAL.
you're too sad and pathetic.

you spend an entire entry complaining about me.
and by doing that guess what?
instant enemies!
just add water.

go ahead,call me a weirdo.
i wouldnt want to be normal if YOU'RE normal.
you have no right to judge me.
you don't even KNOW me.
bet you dont know how to spell my full name.
i know yours.
V-O-M-I-T
you spell my name wrongly i spell yours wrongly
;D

hardeeharhar.
just a few days ago you were begging for my ihss notes too.
LOL.
goodbye social stigma
*lame cameras you*

okay another one of those think-y posts.

yeah i agree with joan's post,(one about money)
to quote part of her blog post:

oh. i want to be a doctor when i grow up so i can make lots of money. they should go oh, i want to be a doctor when i grow up because i want to save the lives of others.

that makes a lot of sense to me.if you have a bunch of people who want to be doctors for money's sake, i think you'd get a buncha doctors who do the job just because it pays well.
not because they want to help others.
not because they want to rid the world of illness.
not because they want to save lives.
how sad.
there's no will to do the job well.
just that of getting your paycheck.
why does our society sometimes be so...so...money motivated?
i mean, i want to be a writer when i grow up.
but not because i want to be uber-famous and earn millions of dollars.
not because i want people to google my name and so i can get my books made into hollywood movies.
it's because i really love writing. and i want others to know my stories, evoke a reaction. i want them to feel what the character in my book feel, to be able to relate to what they are reading.
i want to introduce the readers to my world. the world as i see it.
i don't want to grow up so i can earn lots and lots of money if it means i will feel nothing for what i'm doing.

rawr.
get the message already, will you?
i do not like you tailing me around.
in fact, i dont like you full stop.
can't you see that you're so completely deluded, running after me begging?
it's seriously pathetic.
bobble may have been nice so as to not hurt your huge ego, but i wont be as nice.
or forgiving. you were just REALLY lucky with bobble. i'd have skinned you alive already.
i feel like getting out a penknife and putting it to your neck, ganster-style. i'd demand that you'd not be so lame anymore.
whatever i do to you, please know you brought it on yourself by being annoying.
ok?
ok.

P.S to all my friends out there, i'm really sorry you have to see this side of me.
please don't hold it against me ok?=(. i'm just frustrated right now.
thank you

If We Hold On Together
by Diana Ross

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

the theme from the movie Land Before Time.
it's so sweet.
sometimes i cry when i hear it.

rapporte des mémoires
doux et douloureux
ils resteront à mon coeur
présentation
animal farm